Bad Case of Something

We’re playing this bar one night — I’m talking several years ago — and at some point during one of the sets a fight breaks out. This isn’t all that unusual because, after all, people get drunk in bars and sometimes do stupid things.

Usually there’s just yelling, and maybe a little pushing and shoving. But tonight punches are thrown.

Actually, one punch is thrown.

A man and a woman are sitting at the corner of the bar, just in front of stage right (that would be me). I’m watching them and I can see the situation escalate: First they’re talking, then the voices get louder. Then the woman gets up to walk away. But the man, having none of it, rises from his seat and decks her.

Remember that we’re in the middle of a song while this is happening, and these people are right in front of me. I figure they’re drunk enough not to notice much of anything but their own misery, but you never know. Plus my reflexes should be quicker, and I do have a guitar in my hands if needed.

No such worries. This scenario evidently has played out many times before with these two. People are watching, ready to act if the situation calls for it, but not really doing anything just yet. The woman collects herself, returns to her feet, and starts talking smack to the man.

Right about now our song finishes. The woman has said her piece and starts walking slowly toward the door. Now a few of the patrons step in and hold back the man to make sure he doesn’t follow her.

Meantime, we’ve got a show to play. I look down at the set list, and it’s Robert Palmer’s “Bad Case of Lovin’ You.”

I’ve got the vocals on this one. Lucky me.

We start playing and some semblance of order is restored. The woman is gone and the man has calmed down a bit. But he’s had enough for one night and he starts heading toward the door.

At this point the story gets a little fuzzy for me. I’d like to say that the man set foot outside just as I was getting to the chorus, but honestly I don’t recall. What I do remember is trying real hard not to laugh while singing.

Doctor, doctor, give me the news
I’ve got a bad case of lovin’ you
No pill’s gonna cure my ill
I’ve got a bad case of lovin’ you

I think I mostly succeeded. And if not — hey, how would you know?

On this day…

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